Do they give out Prozac Light?

So I've been out of work for almost a year now. As it gets closer and closer to my EI running out, I'm getting a greater and greater feeling of unease. Nothing specific, just a general, oh-crap-what-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do kind of ....panic? Panic seems so in the moment, such as when you're spinning out in your car, or the condom breaks, or oh-shit-he-actually-HEARD-that panic. No, this is more of a nagging, general malaise. What is a boy to do?

I've also noticed I've been starting to get short-tempered, whereas I usually have the patience of a saint. I have two kids, 5 and 2, and I play hide-and-seek with them, in the car. I have been known to put two different Cat in the Hat videos on two different DVD players because they remembered to say 'please'. And I can usually listen to their knock-knock jokes for up to an hour, but lately, I've had this near-overwhelming urge to scream "IT'S YOU! IT'S ALWAYS YOU! STOP KNOCKING ON THE FUCKING DOOR AND COME IN ALREADY!"

But of course, that would be inappropriate.

So what do we have? Let's see;
Lethargy? Check.
Irritability? Check.
Change in appetite? Check.
Weight loss? Check.
Loss of interest/pleasure in activities you used to enjoy? Check.

Well, slap my ass and call me Spanky, I'm depressed! Shocking, I know, given that I've been unemployed for a year, am still having unresolved issues with my father and they recently made it impossible to actually fix little mechanical objects that I used to be able to repair with MacGyver-like ingenuity, rubber bands and duct tape. But even my depression is half-assed, not the clinical, so-bad-you-can't-even-get-out-of-bed type, more of the kind that just allows you to be a pain and a burden to your loved ones, because you're generally in a bad mood.

Oh, did I forget to mention feelings of inexplicable guilt? That's on the symptom list, too. Check!

So what do you do when you're kinda, maybe, sorta a little bit depressed? Do they make Prozac Light? Will I feel better if I eat seven pounds of chocolate? Will kicking a small dog break the cycle and bring a deep, satisfied smile to my face and lighten the landscape going forward? Couldn't hurt to try, right? Well, OK, the dog would get hurt. Obviously. That's the point, making something else feel bad so that I feel good! And dogs just deserve it, with all the yapping, and the false exuberance, and the phony oh-I-love-you-so-much-and-you're-the-whole-world-to-me licking of the face. Hell, I'd like to kick a dog on a good day. So maybe I should find some other outlet.

Guns? Do they let depressed people have guns? That seems like a pretty bad idea. Not that I'm in a place where I would use a gun to hurt myself, just that there are some out there who, in my mentally weakened state, would prove WAAAAY too tempting targets. Hookers? Bad for the pocketbook, even worse for the marriage. Recreational pharmaceuticals? Potentially expensive, plus, if I do get a job, it may involve a drug test, which I would then presumably FAIL, which would lead to more depression, and more drug use, etc.

I suppose I could try to turn this thing around by reaching out. I could volunteer at a homeless shelter, and see what it's like to be really down. Perhaps by viewing first-hand the issues faced by people with real problems, I could get some perspective, and shake myself out of this self-pitying slump. Maybe the joy that I would get from selflessly serving others would counteractive the negativity, and lead me to better brighter things, to be a better husband, better father and a better person all around.

Naaaah. Somebody bring me a dog.





Thanks for reading!